


Wide and Wild World

by CreativeUsermeme



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Drabble, Family of Choice, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Honestly Kind Of OOC but Oh Well, I just now realized this felt so ooc because Vax is happy for once, Maybe an AU Maybe not I don't know, Menstruation, Trans Vax, Twins Being Cool and Helpful, Unhealthy/Abusive Parents, what a sad man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 12:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8578297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeUsermeme/pseuds/CreativeUsermeme
Summary: In which the author decides to examine the thought of Vax being a trans dude. No relationships more than platonic/familial.





	

It’s their seventh birthday when he first is rather convinced that he’s not exactly normal. He knows he’s a half-elf, of course, but he means in a different kind of way. The way that’s not very often spoken of. The… He’s not really comfortable being a girl, kind of way. He’s honestly mostly content with his life, he loves his sister, his mother, their family together, the way he knows he can always depend on Vex, but he keeps coming back to the idea of him and Vex being… Girls. If he’s honest with himself, which is rare, he hates it. He doesn’t want that, his body (as fine as it is) feels cramped and unnatural and pinched and pulled apart and he’s not sure what to do. When he and Vex are alone a few months later, he tells her that he doesn’t want to be a girl. She laughs at first, saying that nobody really does, but it’s our lot, so we can deal with it together, right Vax, but then when she sees him looking away and rubbing his shoulders, she asks if he’d rather be a boy. He feels odd about the question, but nods. It feels right. Being a boy. That seems… Good. She decides that they should keep this to themselves for now. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it would be a pain to explain to everyone. She starts calling him a boy when she can though, which makes him happier than he can ever imagine.

Two years later, when their mother says that they’ll be living with Syldor, he’s elated inside. The father who he never met presumably will know very little about them, and he should be able to pull off a deception- No, it was a girl and a boy, never two girls, what would give you that idea, most respectfully of course my lord? It doesn’t go over as he hopes. As in, the second he and Vex arrive at Syngorn and introduce themselves as his children, before Vax can even say that the couriers messed it up, he looks him up and down and asks him why he’s wearing trousers. It’s so unladylike and lowborn. Of course, what could one expect of a measly bastard girl. He tries to contain his tears until they are sent to their rooms. It’s not fair, this was supposed to work, he could be a boy and never have to pretend to be her again, it would be Vax’ildan the half elf boy, it’s not right, this is wrong, everything is wrong, no, no, no.

He’s thirteen when Vex and his monthly bleeding starts. The only way he can describe it is wrong. He’s trapped in a cage, looking out to see the world where he’s always been and always will be a boy, no disgusting wombs or breasts or dresses, and everything is just fucking hell. He hates literally everything and everyone except for Vex. He cries himself to sleep the first night before his father comes in and slaps him, saying that every girl must do it, even blood tainting mongrels like you two, now shut up and stop embarrassing me. He and Vex agree that they hate this place and everyone in it.

When they finally leave the most horrible place they’ve ever been to go back home, he’s fifteen and a half. After a few years of living on their own, they decide to go back home. Together they trek through woods and make plans for telling their mother how exactly they can make it work, discussing herbs that can stop or at least lessen certain things and tighter clothing and bandages in some places, and other things of course, the boys and girls they thought were the prettiest and how great it is to be alone and how maybe one day they can go adventuring together, and get rich in the real way, and never have to worry about money again, but be nice, not like the prick they call their father, and maybe hire some servants and be kind and just to them, and they can be Lord Vax’ildan and Lady Vex’halia. On the way, he hears that a guild called The Clasp is after them. Maybe a bounty, maybe a personal request, he’s got no clue but he knows that they are royally fucked. He sneaks through the city and finds some despicable woman that vaguely looks like Vex and tells them that he’ll turn his own sister in before he dies. They decide that they’ll let him go as long as they can brand him. He mournfully agrees. The two of them stay in the city for a while, maybe five months, picking up tricks and ways and learning how to fight and talk sweetly and growing. For the first time ever, random strangers just assume he should be… A he. Calling him boy and he and even in the insults that offend his masculinity they validate him wonderfully. They head back, but he still feels almost euphoric from months of good things finally happening. It’s great until they get back and find the smoldering pile of ash and smoke that is their old town.

It’s gone, all destroyed, nothing left. They both look out in horror, Vex falling to her knees desperately, breathing heavily and tears forming in her eyes. Vax is still in shock, standing and gazing towards the ruins blankly. It’s gone. They’re all gone. His mother, his friends, his closest allies, everybody is gone except for Vex. It’s him and her again, all alone.

He suggests apathetically to her that maybe they should go to a city for a change. She chokes out a simple sure.

In a big city, a lot of things are different. He finds bandages for his bust, which he fucking hates in a way he can’t put to words, he finds some potions that stop bleeding, he learns how to dress and walk and act and speak the best he can. He takes partners over time, leading to some awkward conversation when it turns to sex, but he manages, and he is just fine the way he is, and anyone who disagrees gets their nose broken. He’s about seventeen when he starts to hear talk of people like him, men who weren’t born with the right genitals and women who were told they were men and people who honestly don’t like either option in the regards of gender. It’s liberating, to be among people who he knows he has something so big in common with. It’s great.

And so life goes for him. He picks pockets and locks and fights and it’s… Good, he thinks. It’s still bad sometimes, of course, but he and his sister know that they can trust each other and they’re happy.

He’s about 24 when he and his sister join a mercenary gang that feels right, somehow. There’s Keyleth, a half elf like him that’s far more threatening that she looks at times, Tiberius, a dragonborn who’s nowhere near as threatening as he looks, Grog, a hulking goliath whose love for ale is matched by his name, Scanlan, a small gnome whose heart is far too big for his size, and then later Pike, a sweet cleric gnome who is most definitely the mom of the group, and Percy, a man still on the run from his past but making it a good run.

He’s found a new family, with humans and dragonborns and half elves and gnomes and goliaths and bears, and he loves them. Vox Machina, finding a voice for themselves in a wide and wild world.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I feel like this is really out of character for him but I just had this idea of "identical not fraternal vax and vex" which led to "trans boy vax" because trans headcanons are sadly rare. Probably not my best, but oh well. At least it's out on the internet, for everyone to see and leave their opinions on.


End file.
